Social Media Addiction

It’s 06h00. The opening strums of Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s cover of “What a Wonderful World” – my alarm ringtone – drag me out of some bizarre dream. I lean over, pull my iPhone from its permanent charging station next to my bed and cancel the alarm.

Before I’ve properly opened my eyes, I open Mail. Spam and random social network invitations flood my inbox. I delete the rubbish, getting back to optimal inbox volume and scan the Daily Maverick’s First Thing for any key news items. Next is Twitter. Mentions first, of course, and then a quick scan through tweets from the last hour or so. A retweet here, a reply there, and I’m ready to move on.

Facebook. Facebook is the sole reason I remember birthdays at all. After a “Happy birthday X! Hope it’s a cracker!” here and an “Enjoy dude, hope it rocks!” there, I’m ready for Instagram. I scan through friend’s pics, comment appropriately, discover an inspiring new Instagrammer or two and ponder for a few minutes why my mates have more followers than me. After that I scan key topics in Zite and share interesting reads with my networks.

It’s 06h17, and I’ve had my first fix of the day. There will be countless more.

I’m not alone. I suspect there are many people just like me. I’m discovering new networks and rediscovering old networks on a daily basis, building follower bases and broadcasting just about my entire life non-stop, and I’ve been at it for over 6 years. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be disconnected. Experiences feel a little emptier if I haven’t shared them and had them “liked” by some random connection.

About a week ago, sitting on the couch in the living room with my kids, my 3 year-old daughter had to ask me to “please put your phone down, daddy”, to get me to focus on her. The irony? I had just posted a picture of her to Instagram and was watching to see how many likes it had received. That’s damn near tragic.

I have absolutely no doubt social media is addictive. And I think I’m beginning to understand why. Participation on social networks is driven by powerful, emotive forces; voyeurism, narcissism, escapism and good old #FOMO (or, Fear Of Missing Out.) We derive a strong sense of validation from the so-called social currency we generate through our contributions of content, conversation and collaboration. We ordinary folk get to be pseudo-journalists, photographers, movie makers, sports commentators and more. “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.”

But is all this activity valuable and sustainable? This sense of validation is so powerful that we are prepared to compromise on critical and healthy alternatives like privacy, solitude, stillness and real world relationships.

What would happen if you switched off from social media – completely – for a month? Would you lose followers? Would your Klout score decline? Does any of that matter at all? I have no doubt you’d admit that the world would do just fine without you and your updates for a month, but would you be? The technologies that have done so much to bring us so far in terms of connection in the digital sense, may also be stunting, or even crippling us offline. It’s phenomenal that our phones are also cameras, PC’s, GPS’s, radios, TV’s and more – but all that convergence makes self discipline a significant challenge!

When was the last time you took a long drive without listening to an audiobook or your playlist or heaven forbid, tweeting? When was the last time you arrived early for an appointment and just sat, thinking, without checking mail and Facebook? When was the last time you watched the sunset without scrambling to post it to Instagram? If you’re anything like me you’ve developed an intolerance for stillness and silence. That can’t be good.

I’m not proposing that we shut down our profiles and cease all connection with the digital universe. I’m simply suggesting that we be more conscious of what we’re sacrificing for likes and retweets, and strive for balance. Perhaps part of the answer is committing a slice of time every week to being disconnected. Perhaps it’s regular breakaways to quiet retreats that lack cell signal.

All I know is that we’re not getting any less connected and technology isn’t slowing down at all. I’m not sure how much more I have capacity for and hope to find ways to ensure that I don’t miss out on life while trying to simultaneously broadcast, consume and record every waking moment.

Is there an app for solitude?

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  • http://www.jeanetteverster.com Jeanette Verster

    **like**
    I can completely relate!!

  • http://tylerreed.com Tyler Reed

    After reading the 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss, I was really motivated to cut out a lot of the “noise” I expose myself to. I only check my email 2 – 3 times a day, at set times. I try do the same with Twitter and Facebook, rarely I will cave in though.

    I took the plunge last year and removed all the apps off my iPhone and disabled mail. I went a step further and disabled data too – the battery life is incredible.

    The reason I did all of this was because I kept getting caught in the noise for as you describe, the fear of missing out. Now I think I have started experiencing social media fatigue. I really don’t have FOMO anymore, in fact, I careless about what others are doing and more so about what I need to do to move forward with what I am pursuing and, more importantly, making time for the smaller things in life.

  • http://www.oneoftheboys.co.za NickiD

    Hey Mike

    I’m quite sure that the scenario you played out in the first few lines of this post happen in the majority of homes every morning. Definitely in ours!

    Although I love (read as: am obsessed with social media), particularly the sharing aspect of it all (as all of my family is overseas, so SM has made the world a MUCH smaller place), I do adore and crave the time spent with my boys, sans technology. It’s admittedly sometimes quite hard to actually disconnect at first, but once I’m immersed in a world of Lego, Thomas the Train or building pirate puzzles, it’s simpler, easier, slower. And I love it.

    But permanently disconnecting from the internet and all of it’s appendages … I’m just not sure I’d be able to do it.

    • Mike

      Ha ha – glad you identify.

      I’m convinced the only way to have real quality time is to leave the phone / laptop / iPad in another room. Only then does my mind really switch off…

  • http://www.melissaattree.co.za Melissa

    This is spot on dude. Love it.

  • Lee

    LOL. Brilliant post! If I dont get a morning “fix” the day is ruined.

  • http://www.antonkoekemoer.com Anton Koekemoer

    I haven’t really got an addiction to social media, or I think I don’t, but when your everyday job revolves around it, how can you get away from it?

  • David Graham

    I can relate 100% Mike. I think we should ALL back off a bit before we suffer from social media fatigue or post social media stress disorder :) It is uncanny the number of times I have happened upon one of the known social media influencers out and about and nine times out of ten they have their heads down and are typing away on their devices :) Good article, thank you!

  • http://ramblinglitchi.wordpress.com Leigh

    This really resonated within me! Great description. It is just SO true. Every aspect. That flashing red light of the BlackBerry is constantly pulling our attention away from the real moment – so you spend a minute or two staring at the screen and clicking away to find you have a new Twitter follower or spam message instead of actually listening to what your spouse or friends are saying. We ignore the people who are physically in the same space as us and want to be with us in person – not just to read our hilarious prose or reply to a pithy comment with a lol, but to breathe in the same air as you, send you a real smile that makes your tummy tingle, hold your hand … if only it wasn’t connected to that damned device all day long.

    It’s really tough for those of us who work with social media and need to be constantly connected and check our email every 5 minutes or else, but I think after hours we HAVE to make more of an effort to ‘disconnect!’

  • http://dchetty.co.za DChetty

    The addiction problem extends beyond mornings though, its now in traffic, in the lift, in the queue at woolies, during ad breaks of every sporting event on TV, its everywhere.

    The real question is, at what point do we recognise that THIS is the new reality and fighting it, is much like being the guy that said that TV is a fad.

    A potential approach: Airplane mode in the bedroom.
    If anything is urgent enough to warrant a call in the early hours of the morning, its from ppl important enough to know your landline number.

    That way, no data hits your phone at night, meaning, no emails, no tweets, FB updates, etc.

    Drastic measures, but it ensures that there’s a sense of reality (old school reality, not online reality) when you wake up.

    • Mike

      All I have to say is…

      What’s a land line??

      I agree though that reality is shifting, society is evolving and we need to embrace and not fight that. In the same sense, technology is changing language and that’s scary too – especially for us purists.

      At least we’re asking questions which is a good start.

  • Kirsty

    “Experiences feel a little emptier if I haven’t shared them” – Consider that nail head, hit!

  • http://www.sonicsubstance.com James Preston

    Outstanding post, Mike. Absolutely outstanding. You have captured a piece of post-modern human history perfectly. Deeply inspiring, too. Well done.

  • Glen

    Great piece. I share your sentiments Mike. As a test, I deactivated my Facebook account last year and thought I wouldn’t survive but I did. However, I forget most of my friend’s birthdays. Having said this, I think social networks are slowly taking over some people’s lives both good and bad. Some of my classmates have attested to this..saying they cannot live without BBM, Facebook, Twitter & MXit. Personally, I think its about discipline..you can engage on these platforms and still not be addicted.

  • http://zerp.ly/DavidAlves Dave

    Nice post, Mike. Really. I can identify and have been experiencing the same thing for the last year or so. In 2008, I shut down everythign for two years…no Facebook, no IM, no reddit, nothing…at that time, I hadn’t been introduced to Twitter as yet. Two years was a long time, but it gave me the opportunity to reconnect both with myself and the important people in my life. Things were simpler. The recent year I have been feeling more connected than I ever have before…and it’s starting to take its toll.

    This year I decided to go on an information diet. I’ve been doing this long enough to know where to get what I need from the web and have become devout to the resources that truly matter and resonate with me. With a handful of resources, I have “cut the rest”, trimmed the fat, so-to-speak. It’s been good and I’ve started doing it more prominently in the world around – choosing to only speak to a few who I respect and respect me in return.

    The mobile aspect for me is also an easy one to take the trimming knife to; leaving my phone in the car during dinners. Leaving it next to my bed in the evening and concentrating on my evening instead of having it on me on on the desk next to me while I work. It helps. It’s a conscious thing, but it helps and trust me…leaving the phone in the car at dinner, it’s a relief…a load off ones shoulders. It might be different for you, as a business owner in the digital space, but this comes down to what bones you believe you deserve to make.

    Just my two cents…

    • Mike

      No, you’re exactly right. I use the excuse that my ex-wife might need to get in touch with me for kid-related issues, so I have to be “always-available”, but even then there are alternatives.

      You’re talking about healthy habit-forming. And I think that’s where we all need to be thinking – there are some places / occasions our phones and tablets should just not go accompany us to.

      • http://zerp.ly/DavidAlves Dave

        Well said, man. Hope some good/improvement comes of this.

  • Michael

    Excellent post. The catch22 is that by viewing life through the camera/video screen of our phones we actually diminish the value of experience we are trying to capture.

    PS. I have taken great delight over the past month whenever my 4 month old daughter wakes up for her middle of the night feeds, because it gave me an opportunity to check on the SA vs NZ cricket scores.

    • Mike

      Ha ha! Bonus!

  • http://www.politicsweb.co.za David

    Great piece Mike……maybe we should have a National Disconnect Day…we could Tweet about it the next day.

  • Monica

    Love your post Mike and I think your thoughts are shared with many … especially me!

  • Gary B

    Great post.

  • Stacey

    Can completely identify, Mike. Its definitely our ‘new normal’. I shouldn’t know that it’s tricky (but possible) to walk down stairs with eyes glued to my phone. But I do. Why? FOMO ;)

  • http://www.imbizo.com Clive Simpkins

    Good and long overdue article. Social media is petrol to the flames of OCD, ADD and impulsivity. I take regular breaks and find that when I check in, what seemed to be such an important discussion or trending topic is in fact as banal as the chatter in a cocktail party. I used to check socmedia in the middle of the night if I awoke. No longer. Unless I have something to say at that moment. I also ask myself now, “is this tweet more important than answering Siphe’s question?” The answer is,”never!”

  • http://baasdebeer.wordpress.com BaasDeBeer

    Awesome article.
    Inspired my whole #PreTwitter rant, hehe… So, thanx for The Fun.
    Which is kinda ironic that your article regarding social media addiction, actually fuelled my social media addiction.

    • Mike

      Circular reference!

  • http://www.kojobaffoe.com Kojo

    Every now and then, I get it right. And then I succumb to the social media pull and, within a couple of minutes, it is worse than it was before. We have become gluttonous with information, rarely taking the time to savour each bite. I finally have my work emails down to 30 – still trying to get to inbox zero – and am re-implementing the tips I’d drawn from 4 Hour Work Week (like Tyler Reed).

    It is a work-in-progress. I’m getting better at putting my phones down when it is kick-back-on-couch-with-son time but I agree that we get so tempted to share those experiences that I end up picking it up just to send that cute tweet or facebook status update or instagram or … or … or …

    I endeavour to work hard at it.

    Nice one Mr Stopforth

  • http://ctnlist.co.za Richard Catto

    You need rehab, dude. I’m pretty addicted to teh internets myself.

    to be honest, my most fervent addiction was to usenet groups, which was the social media of the 90s up until about 2005. i still participate in usenet, but there’s not a lot of traffic on there now.

    i see that windows 8 is going social now, so social media is probably going to be here for awhile.

    but there will always be something else big in the pipeline. teh internets never fail to disappoint.

  • http://www.jtbeale.com John

    Absolutely fantastic post Mike!

    I’m sure this here notification has made your heart jump a little seeing as you now have “24 Responses” to your post ;)

    Firstly, I have often wondered if people would literally lose their minds if FB / Twitter were to go down, or disappear. It would force us to actually phone / write to our friends….and by write I mean type, because I assume at that stage handwriting will be mere chickscratch

    Secondly, I wholeheartedly agree about your “disconnecting”. I think especially if you work in, or are heavily involved in digital / social it’s imperative to take a holiday to Mozambique or BackAssEndOfNoWhere making sure you have no data connection. I did this a while back, and have now made a habit of it every holiday, and it’s the most relaxing, focused time of the year.

    I find another place is concerts, where more time is spent taking photos, updating, filming than actually watching the concert. A sad reality.

  • Lynda

    Great post Mike. Those beautiful children of yours teaching you some lessons. Thank you for the reminder of real people in our lives….. lunch one day would be good.

  • Pingback: My annual social media detox: Jo Duxbury. | Peppermint Source: unpretentious, effective marketing

  • http://twitter.com/DazMSmith Darren Smith

    Great post Mike. The rise and rise of social media has been one of the most disruptive eras, content wise, of my professional 20 years as a tech media exec. And one of the most fulfilling personally. 

    I get more, and better content than I have ever done before, no longer bookmark or manage lists of RSS feeds that I racked up, and never got to. And strangely enough my email inbox is more manageable than it’s ever been.But, and it is a big BUT, I take regular time-outs. I dip & dive in, like conversations at the water-cooler, when I am inclined to, and I am in no way phased by what I am missing out on conversationally. I stick to my interests (media, tech, marketing, photography, sport) and I try to follow people who add value to my life.I photowalk. Meeting people, the feel of the streets beneath my feet, looking people in the eye, hearing their stories, then sharing them. Being a tourist in my own city. Social enhances this experience, but never overshadows it.

    I trail run. In the wilderness with like-minded people, enjoying everything that is great about the outdoors, healthy pursuits, getting fit, feeling refreshed & invigorated afterwards. Well, after the power nap at least … ;-)

    The social era is a profoundly disruptive one, and it will be with us for a lot longer than people think. We are a connected world, and we will be increasingly connected in the future. Take the good, keep it real … find the balance. Such are the lessons in life.

  • seags

    Great post Mike and your points are so valid. I have to force myself to “disconnect” from social media as often as possible especially when I’m with friends.
     

  • Glen

    Came across this article & video on Memeburn which kinda relates to your post: http://memeburn.com/2012/04/the-goldilocks-effect-connected-but-alone-ted-video/

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