Mike Stopforth

I’m a sports lover. I’m absolutely obsessed with cricket and rugby and seldom miss international fixtures, while trying to catch as many provincial matches as possible. When there’s no cricket or rugby to watch I’ll happily waste time taking in whatever is on the telly with the exception of horse racing or showjumping, both of which give me the heebies. Can’t tell you why, they just do.

I watch club and international football selectively but because our national team leaves a little to be desired in terms of recent form and I don’t associate directly with any one Premiership or European club side, it’s not a life or death past time. Besides soccer irritates me, more and more every time I watch it. Especially when I compare the game of rugby and rugby players to their soccer counterparts. Here are seven reasons (seven points for a converted try) why rugby kicks soccer’s ass any day:

1. The oval ball. Obviously less predictable in bounce and flight than a perfectly round ball, the oval rugby ball tests players’ skill when chasing along the ground, kicking and catching, and consequently introduces a magical element of chance into the game.
2. Real men. Nothing gets to me more than the melodramatic, prima donna-esque nature of modern professional soccer players. These diving, falling, acting idiots detract from the beautiful game to such a degree that it is downright irritating to watch. Players that dive should be flayed in the streets… or something. Rugby players would rather bleed to death, bones protruding from their limbs, before leaving the field of play. A rugby player who dives will be killed by the other team, so he just doesn’t. Rugby players are gladiators. Tell me the McCaw’s, Smit’s, Sharpe’s, Spies’s and others would not have been generals in great armies. Of courrse they would have
3. Respect for officials. Rugby players respect referees. They don’t push, hold, hug or scream at officials. If an official shows a card, a player leaves the field of pay. In soccer, if the ref shows a card, the players throw a festival on the pitch. It detracts from the quality of the game and wastes time.
4. Camaraderie. Rugby players are like brothers. If a lock forward from one team picks a fight with the scrummie of another team, the scrummie’s forwards pile in like they’re protecting their wives. Soccer players fight too, BUT THEY FIGHT ON THE SAME SIDE!
5. Regular scoring. If you see 3 or more goals in a soccer match you’re lucky. The rest of the time players spend their time fixing their hair and diving. Rugby has less on-pitch game time, but it’s not unusual to see in excess of thirty points scored in international games. Plus points can be scored via tries, penalties and drop goals, adding variety and excitement to the game.
6. The Haka. Ok so I shouldn’t like the Haka (Maouri war dance) as much as I do, being a Springbok fan, but there is something deeply stirring about the All Blacks’ pre-match psychological and physical declaration. I crap myself just watching it on the telly – who knows what it’s like in real life?
7. We can play rugby. Sorry Bafana Bafana, but you somehow don’t inspire as mcuh confidence in us fans as our rugby boys do, being world champions and all. Twice. Keep working at it though…

Would love to hear from the footballers… Bagley-son!?

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