MIKESTOPFORTH

Seeing as I’ve got my calculations wrong (again) and find myself at Heathrow with another hour to burn, I thought I’d share some arbitrary thoughts on my first, rather whirlwind-ish venture into the United States of America. It was a fantastic experience, and one I look forward to repeating soon (roll on Vegas!!!).

I must confess that the leading up to the trip I experienced a disproportionate and rather embarrassing bout of anxiety. Not about being in the States, but more about the trip there and back. I don’t enjoy flying, but it’s got nothing to do with turbulence, motion-sickness or fear. It’s got to do with utter boredom. Even the short-ish flight from Jozi to Cape Town has had me fidgeting relentlessly in the past with books, gadgets and gizmo’s in a desperate attempt to pass the time. The idea of the 26-hour haul to LAX scared the pants off me, not only because of the reasons I’ve just explained, but also because I don’t sleep when I travel, so the prospect of the resultant jet lag was intimidating.

But I was surprised, and a bit lucky. Firstly, the on-flight entertainment Virgin Atlantic offers is phenomenal. Over 60 latest release movies (some still unreleased in South Africa) meant I had a film orgy all on my own. And believe me, I can pig out on films. Up to this point (3 flights) I’ve watched 300, Shoot ‘em Up, Knocked Up, Stardust, Atonement, Ratatouille (brilliant), Surf’s Up to name a few. I also happened to bump into one of my clients, Bronwyn from Dell South Africa, who turned out to be brilliant company.

Ok on to the US. Bear in mind many of these reflections could be unique to the state of California (I have yet to experience much else).

1. The service ethic in America is impressive. I was often surprised at the enthusiasm and application of people employed in even the most menial of occupations. It was motivating.

2. LAX is tiny. Damn, they made a TV series out of this airport and compared to Heathrow and even our own OR Tambo, it was puny. Not that that is a bad thing, it just surprised me.

3. Ford Mustangs with V8 engines are a lot of fun to drive and would do well in South Africa’s Boksburg-type market. Bring ‘em out, GM!

4. I was instantly aware of my accent. We Saffa’s can sound very funny sometimes. Or at least I can. “Damn that chow was kak” I exclaimed to the person in the queue behind me at DEMO. He silently stepped out of the queue and moved to the back of the line. His loss.

5. Not only is LAX smaller than I imagined, but so is Los Angeles. I guess you have strange expectations based on Hollywood’s image and well, I couldn’t believe how ‘manageable’ it was.

6. The roads are crap. Even in frikkin’ Beverly Hills (which I’ll get to later). Potholes in Beverly Hills are like zits on Scarlett Johanssen’s forehead.

7. Oh, adding to the comment about service ethic earlier, the professionalism of the people behind the scenes at DEMO (events and production, sound and visuals, etc.) scared me. It was unbelievable. Seamless, spotless and punctual. Oh for conferences like that in South Africa.

8. Driving on the wrong side of the road is a significant challenge, especially after a 27 hour flight. But I soon got the hang of it :) (after one r two close shaves).

9. American radio stations are brilliant. There’s something for everyone, and I was astounded to find stations where I could listen to non-stop brilliant music for hours on end with only the occasional commercial interruption. On that note, when the commercials came, they were abominable. Our agencies, despite their shortcomings, produce good ads. Listening to the Mexican stations had me in stitches. Don’t know why, but they did.

10. American toilets are like swimming pools. First I thought it was maybe only characteristic of my hotel. ‘Twas not. The bowls are flatter and fuller of water. (Tune out here if you don’t appreciate a little, well, toilet humour) When one’s bum has been trained for a certain volume of water it’s entire life, the sudden presentation of the Gariep Dam in my water closet had me twinging nervously. The plop is inevitable and unavoidable, the resultant splash a punishment for the injustice you’ve just done the loo. I tested this in multiple locations, as one does, and I can confirm beyond a shadow of a doubt that Americans would consider us mighty stingy based on the puddles in our poo places. Consider yourself warned.

Ok enough of that.

On my final day in California I found myself back in LA with some time to kill, and so decided to visit Hollywood. This was a big thing for me, because I am a film nerd. I love my movies. So I kind of found Hollywood, more by chance than by intention, and was immediately disappointed. I expected greatness! It was ugly though!

Then I realised I was downtown (if you like me always wondered what downtown means in the movies, it means the ass end of town. The CBD). Oops. Turn around the Mustang, head West on yes – Sunset Blvd – then onto Santa Monica Blvd and down to Hollywood Blvd. I travelled up and down these famous roads for a good hour and a half, soaking up everything my eyes could. Then I saw those iconic letters on the cliff (which I’d always imagined about 100 times the size it is – I could have been travelling past a koppie on the West Rand) and suddenly, unexpectedly, came face to face with a wall of LAPD squad cars.

My initial elation at the discovery that the LAPD did not only exist on the TV and in my DVD collection turned to disappointment as they redirected me, rather abruptly, out of the way. Beyond them I could see literally hundreds of news and radio vans – CNN, CBS, ABC – parked in Hollywood Blvd. What was happening? I had no clue.

I parked quickly, hopped out and walked down to where the commotion was. An I saw something I’ve never seen in my life…

Politically active young people! Thousands of teens and young adults waving blue, red and white banners and yelling “We Want Change!” and “Obama – Yeah!” together. Ah, what I didn’t know, and the rest of the world did, was that the final democratic debate was happening in the Kodak theater on Hollywood Blvd that night, and I had unwittingly landed up sandwiched in the middle of it. It was an inspiring, unsettling and moving sight all at one – I had always associated young people with political apathy. Here I was seeing thousands of people my age passionately expressing themselves – being heard. Made me think about how qualified I am to be critical of our government.

I spent the rest of the day wandering around, visiting the Chinese theater, shopping, walking, speaking to the LAPD – “hey do you guys know Axel Foley? He comes from Detroit I believe…” – it was a wonderful experience. I then drove back to LAX via the Sunset strip and good ol’ Beverly Hills, which was incredible. Quite a site. Bit like Bishop’s Court, but swollen.

Ok thanks for indulging that little sharing session. If you want to see pics check out my flick account, I’ll be uploading more of them ASAP.