Mike Stopforth

Brian Ashton (Pom’s rugby manager) and Jake White both die and enter the Pearly Gates.

God takes Brian on a tour of heaven and ends up at a little two-bedroom bungalow with a faded English rugby banner hanging from the front porch. “This is your house, Brian,” says God, “You’re very lucky. Most people don’t get their own houses up here, you know.”

Brian looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the huge mansion on top of the hill. A massive, multi-storey affair with white marble columns, balconies and attractive gardens, Springbok banners line both sides of the footpath and a huge South African flag hangs between the marble columns.

“Thanks for the house, God,” says Brian “But let me ask you a question. How come I get this little two-bedroom bungalow and Jake White gets a huge mansion with all those marble columns and things?” God looks at him seriously for a moment. “That’s not Jake’s house,” God says. “That’s my house.”